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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413868">everything i wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvblegirl/pseuds/cvblegirl'>cvblegirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:27:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>492</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvblegirl/pseuds/cvblegirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco couldn't turn, couldn't stop his erratic breathing. He was falling. He was falling into a dark abyss, head underwater, body reduced to nothingness. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>everything i wanted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I couldn't get "everything I wanted" by Billie Eilish out of my head and how perfect this song fits Draco. This is not a songfic, just used the song as insp.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He couldn't stand to look at his reflection anymore. He didn't want to see the weakness. The pain. The fear. He hated it. Hated himself for not being everything his father wanted. Everything he was told he would be. The greatness he was promised never materialized in him. He was nothing.</p><p>The tears came before Draco could stop them. His self-control was non-existent. He was tired, so tired. The tears ran down his cheeks, and all Draco wanted was to feel his mother's warm arms around him. He wanted to curl into her lap as he did on nights when his father was far away from the manor. </p><p>If it weren't for her, Draco would have died long ago. Everything he did, he did for her. He would not allow Voldemort to strike against her. He would do what was asked of him, he would…no.</p><p>He couldn't.</p><p>He was weak.</p><p>He was a fool.</p><p>He would <em> fail</em>.</p><p>He—</p><p>"Malfoy?"</p><p>Draco couldn't turn, couldn't stop his erratic breathing. He was falling. He was falling into a dark abyss, head underwater, body reduced to nothingness. </p><p>"Draco!" The voice was panicked and familiar. Strong hands grab ahold of him, they are warm and safe and everything Draco wanted. </p><p>His eyes snap open and worried green eyes stare down at him. Draco blinks a few times, embarrassed when he feels tears cling to his eyelashes. </p><p>This was the third time this week. </p><p>"S-sorry." His voice is only a whisper. Harry shakes his head gently, brushing a stray tear off of Draco's flushed cheek. </p><p>"It's alright, just another bad dream." Harry shrugs, throwing him a half smile. "Do you want to talk about it?" Harry asks as he moves back to allow Draco to sit up on the bed. </p><p>"I...it was about sixth year. Again." Draco doesn't want to elaborate more than that. It's late, and Harry has to be up for work in a few hours. They've talked about their nightmares extensively already. They've shared their worst fears, their lingering pain, their scars that won't fade. The Boy who Lived and The Boy who Failed. Two opposing sides of a coin that by some twist of fate came together in the end. Draco still couldn't believe it. He sometimes still had doubts, not of his love for Harry, because his love was all consuming, but of him deserving <em> this</em>. It was too perfect. A too-happy-ending for someone like him. </p><p>"You're drifting " Harry says after Draco is silent for too long, pulling him into his arms. Draco hums, resting his head against Harry's chest. The night is quiet, and he thinks he can hear Harry's calming heartbeat. Draco closes his eyes, dispelling any thoughts that aren't of this moment.</p><p>"Thank you." Draco says and sighs contently when Harry tightens his hold on him. It's Harry's turn to hum. </p><p>As Draco drifts back to sleep, he wishes for the boy in his nightmare to finally disappear. </p>
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